When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
