FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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