I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
