That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
