I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize