just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
