just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
