I wish I could teleport
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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