Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All the doctor said was why
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
