All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
