nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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