I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
