can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
