So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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