I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
