and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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