Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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