Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
