I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
