none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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