it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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