Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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