You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
