I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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