Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
