She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
