i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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