I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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