we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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