I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
