bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize