Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
