Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
