Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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