I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize