Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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