The maid of honor just puked.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
