come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
