no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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