Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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