ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize