Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
