I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
