'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
