Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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