you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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