Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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