Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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