I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
