"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did I show you my penis last night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
