mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
