We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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