Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize