Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
