I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
