i just had sex bonerless
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
