sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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