So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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