Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
