My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
