WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize